


His Own Agenda

by SecretlyInfatuated



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Butcher Neil Josten, Dark!Neil, Raven Neil Josten, Violence, also ichirou moriyama is a creep but not in THAT way in this fic so there's that i guess, bad shit happens before it can get better bc life sucks, basically neil is everything he hates lol sorry, i'm warning you now that it's not beta read lol, nathan can choke on a dick for all i care, neil really needs some happiness in his life but i can't give that to him yet :(, obvious warning for nathan wesninski and lola, riko deserves only the worst in life, the foxes will come eventually i promise, this is messy and idk what i'm doing yet oops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 07:36:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16013288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyInfatuated/pseuds/SecretlyInfatuated
Summary: Nathaniel Wesninski has grown up surrounded by monsters. He knows how they think and what makes them tick. He knows how to play their game of survival and he's here to win.(or the one where Neil grows up as the Butcher's son and has an agenda of his own. I promise it's not as shitty as it sounds lmao)





	1. R.I.P To My Youth

Nathaniel Wesninski was ten years old when he watched his mother be torn apart piece by piece for over an hour. 

He heard every muffled scream of agony, every crunch of a bone breaking, every squish of the blade digging into flesh. He saw the blood pouring out and pooling around them - Mary Wesninski’s eyes firmly closed shut, as if trying to block out what was happening.

Nathaniel watched as his father flayed his mother's skin inch by inch, taking off just enough to hurt but not enough for her to bleed out. (He couldn't have her bleeding out before he'd properly had his fun.) 

She put up a good fight for the most part, not satisfying Nathan with screams or flinches at first; but it only got worse. By the end, her voice was shot and her eyes were fading. She was a hollow shell where a woman used to be. 

Nathaniel watched as Mary’s life drained from her body one torturous slice at a time, until she was finally gone for good.

Nathaniel knew his mother was never coming back. 

Nathaniel knew that without his mother to protect him, his life was about to get a whole lot worse.

His heart stuttered back to life when he heard the words whispered in his ear: "Don't worry Junior, without the bitch we can have so much more fun!"

Lola Malcolm. She had been standing behind Nathaniel as his mother was being butchered alive, blood red nails digging into Nathaniel’s shoulder and face to ensure he was watching and that he acted appropriately. As if there was an appropriate way to act when witnessing his father tear apart his mother with nothing but a cleaver and a vicious grin. 

Nathaniel didn't react to the hands on his shoulders or the voice in his ear. 

He felt numb. 

Hollow. 

He felt like a piece of himself died with his mother. 

The Butcher looked up at his son. "This is what happens when someone tries to betray me. Remember that, Junior. Get cleaned up and get ready for training. Lola will instruct you today." 

The Butcher dismissed them with a turn of his back. Lola grinned some more. 

"Come along, Junior, there's much to learn!"

Nathaniel hoped this was only one of his nightmares. 

Nathaniel learned that hoping was a pointless thing that only brought disappointment and pain.


	2. Nowhere to Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Soldier by Fleurie, give it a listen if you want :)

Nathaniel knew better than to hope. 

He knew his life was shit since he was a child and he knew that wasn’t about to change anytime soon. In fact, the older he got the more fucked up his life seemed to become. 

No, Nathaniel knew better than to hope. Hope didn’t change anything and hope didn’t make anything magically better. Hope was a doorway to disappointment and anger. Nathaniel already had enough of that in his life without having to add the bullshit of hope into it.

Nathaniel opened his eyes when he felt a pillow hit him squarely in the chest. He looked unimpressed at it and turned his head towards the other person in the room, eyebrow raised.

Jean stared back at him, equally unimpressed. “Time for practice,” Jean informed him.

Nathaniel sighed and stretched, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It hadn’t been much of a sleep, between all of the nightmares and reassuring himself that he was not the same helpless child he had been, feeling the knives under his pillow and the sense of comfort they brought.

“It’s always time for practice,” Nathaniel replied after he sat up. Jean rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, and it’s better if you do not keep Riko waiting again,” he scowled. Nathaniel rolled his eyes this time. 

“Riko can’t do shit and he knows it. No matter how important he thinks he is, he’ll always be second born and second place,” Nathaniel scoffed. Jean sighed and muttered something in french about suicidal bastards. Nathaniel just gave him a sharp grin in reply and got up to get dressed for practice.

They ate a light breakfast consisting of a disgusting green smoothie and some fruit. Jean glared at Nathaniel until the whole smoothie was gone and Nathaniel flipped his partner off in response. The Raven’s had strict dietitians who planned everything they ate based on body weight and a bunch of other personal shit. Nathaniel hated it but knew how to pick and choose his battles.

After breakfast Jean dragged him to the locker room where the majority of the team already was. 

They went to their respective lockers across from Riko and Kevin, who were already dressed and ready to go. Riko was glaring at them and Kevin looked as impatient as ever to start practice. 

“Took you long enough,” Kevin said irritably. Nathaniel flipped him off and took his time putting on all of his gear. He had gotten used to everyone seeing his scars years ago, and now he reveled in the unnerved stares. They weren’t a symbol of weakness, they were a symbol of how much he had survived and how much he could still handle. By the time he was done and was strapping his gloves on, Riko looked furious and Kevin was agitated. The rest of the team were ready to go and waiting in line outside of the locker room.

Nathaniel grinned at Riko and Kevin, letting a sliver of his father’s side show. “What are you guys waiting for? It’s time for practice,” his voice was as sweet as honey, a contradiction to the hungry shark smile cut through his face. 

Riko glared, eyes shining with a promise of pain in the near future. He stalked towards the doors, Kevin following with a shake of his head. Jean rubbed his temples and shoved past Nathaniel, who was still grinning. Nathaniel laughed and followed behind his partner, knowing that this practice was going to be oh-so-fun as ever. 

-

Practice went just as expected. Riko was in a foul mood (as usual) and Nathaniel got the brunt of his anger (as usual). His teammates quickly caught on to Riko’s fury and knew to keep the attention off of themselves, targeting Nathaniel and trying to make him look bad in front of the captain. He was shoved and knocked down and stepped on more times than he could count. 

He laughed every time, letting them know that they couldn’t do anything to hurt him that hadn’t already been done. This pain was nothing compared to what he put up with everyday at ‘home’. None of them came close to comparing to the Butcher, not even Riko himself - no matter how bad and fearsome he thought himself to be. 

So he dealt with the abuse and the pain and made sure they all knew that he wasn’t affected. He played and he played well, reminding them that he was the one with the #4 on his cheek for a reason. 

They went through the warm ups and drills and finally ended in scrimmages. They left the new recruits to clean the court and changed out in the locker room. After morning practice came classes and study time, the majority of the Ravens left the nest to attend their lectures together. 

Since Nathaniel was not yet in college and his father and the Moriyama’s did not allow him to go to public high school, he had most of his classes online and some with a private tutor. 

This was also the time he had his lessons with Lola. What fun that was. 

He logged into his classes and got to work on his assignments. The Moriyama’s and his father had found that he had a knack for languages and let him study those that could be beneficial for the family. He was already fluent in Japanese (thanks to living with the Moriyama’s for so long) and French (thanks to Jean teaching him and Kevin when they were kids). He was learning German and Spanish as well and knew a few phrases in several other languages. 

He put enough effort into his classes as to not fail and risk angering Tetsuji or his father, but not enough to show that he really cared about it. As far as he was concerned, school was secondary to exy and his lessons with Lola and therefore didn’t need his full attention.

Nathaniel worked for about two hours before he heard uncaring and familiar footsteps making their way to his door. He didn’t look up when the door opened and the owner of the footsteps came towards him. He didn’t flinch when he felt a hand on his neck, sharp nails pressing ever so lightly to his pulse point. He finished what he was typing and shut his laptop, pushing it to the end of his desk. 

“So diligent, Junior,” Lola purred. Her hand tightened on his neck, fingernails pressing sharply into his pulse point for just a moment. “But you know I don’t like to be kept waiting,” her voice was dangerous, her smile poisonous. Nathaniel did, in fact, know that she hated waiting, which is why he made a point of making her venture into the Nest to collect him whenever possible. 

He grinned his father’s grin and turned to look up at her, forcing Lola’s nails (painted a blood red - how fitting) to press deeper into his neck, nearly breaking the skin. “Oh, is it ten already? I must have lost track of time again,” he said innocently. Lola wasn’t convinced, her lips tugging down for a second before she pulled her hand from Nathaniel’s neck and took a step backwards.

They stared at each other for a moment, smile to smile, and Nathaniel wondered if she would try to ‘test’ him as she had done several times before. It never ended pretty (none of their sparring ever did - Tetsuji had complained about the blood left behind whenever they had it out in the Nest) and Nathaniel couldn’t decide if he was disappointed or relieved when all she did was jerk her head towards the door. “Come now, Junior, we mustn’t keep your daddy waiting for much longer, you know how he gets,” her lips pulled into a sharper grin, eyes hungry with the thought of the Butcher’s temper. 

Nathaniel knew first hand how hot his father’s blood ran, how quick his temper flared and how fast he could draw a knife on his own flesh and blood. The fact that the Butcher was waiting for Nathaniel didn’t mean anything good. He didn’t normally bother to interfere with Lola’s training unless he had a special assignment for his son. Still, Nathaniel took his time getting up and stretching out his limbs before finally brushing past an agitated Lola to lead the way out of the Nest. 

It was a privilege to be able to leave the Nest for anything other than school, and the new Raven’s had shown their displeasure with how often Nathaniel got to leave (though the glares always lessened by the first few weeks when they saw the fresh scars from that day's adventures - they weren’t stupid enough to think that what Nathaniel was doing all day was any fun). 

Nathaniel didn’t see leaving the Nest as a privilege. It was leaving one prison to go to another. 

Nathaniel got into the expensive black car that was always waiting to take him to his childhood home. Lola got in next to him and the car took off. He could tell Lola was agitated today, though she hid it well. He could see it in the sharper edge to her already deadly smile. The chill in her normally burning eyes. He could tell that today’s training would be especially ruthless. He grinned at the thought.

They arrived at the Baltimore house five minutes later than they were supposed to and Nathaniel could practically feel his father’s steely glare rising up from the basement. Lola was already out of the car and halfway through the tunnel that lead from the garage to the basement. Nathaniel sighed and got out of the car, knowing that prolonging his training any further would bring unnecessary pain to him that he would rather avoid at the moment.

There were three rooms in the basement. His father’s study was off limits unless summoned in, and if you were summoned in you were guaranteed pain in your near future. The training room housed an armory of weapons and test subjects waiting to be used and abused. It was the room where Nathaniel spent most of his time. Hours spent learning the different knives and how they could be used to bring the most pain. The last room was what Nathaniel affectionately called the Blood Room. It was where the Butcher had the most fun and showed his many skills with his cleavers. It was where people went to die.

It was also the only room’s door that was open at the moment, which made Nathaniel’s grin grow sharper. If his father wanted him in the Blood Room that meant there was someone in the room that needed bleeding, and Nathaniel would be the one to cause it today.

He pushed his way inside the door and saw a middle-aged man tied on the old, blood soaked chair that had held countless other damned men and women and greedily sucked their blood as it fell. Lola pushed the door closed after Nathaniel was in the room and took her spot leaning against the wall again. Nathan Wesninski was by the counter at the back wall that housed the sink and wall of cleavers, axes, and an assortment of knives - the Butcher’s finest collection.

Nathan looked at his son as he came into the room. Nathaniel was met with his own eyes staring back at him and had to force himself not to look away from the intensity in his father’s gaze. 

“Junior,” Nathan’s voice was sharp and cold as ice, “you’re late.” A statement and to anyone else, a threat.

Nathaniel knew how to pick and choose his battles and knew that a single wrong move would bring instant regret and pain upon his head. He chose his words carefully, assessing his father’s current temper and what would possibly set him off. “I apologize, father, I lost track of time with my school work.” 

The Butcher stared at his son for a long moment before looking to Lola for confirmation. She nodded minutely and it seemed to appease Nathan for the moment. “Very well. Now that you’re here, get to work. No information is needed from this pig; just make it as long and painful as possible. I want his skin flayed and his ears in a box when you are done; the rest is up to you.”

With that the Butcher left Nathaniel to his devices, a warning hand on his shoulder before he let the door slam behind him. Lola remained in the room as always, making sure Nathaniel did as told and to ensure nothing went wrong. 

Nathaniel wasted no time getting to work. He wanted it to end as quickly as possible. He washed his hands, put on gloves, and chose the sharpest knife on the wall. 

It was a long, nearly four hours, until he was finally done. Every scream, every drop of blood reminded him of his mother, sat in this same chair seven years ago, torn apart by her husband for trying to escape with Nathaniel. A warning, a message sent to whoever dared try to run from the Butcher and steal from the Moriyama’s. 

The man’s screams still echoed in Nathaniel’s head as he took off his gloves and washed the knife. Lola took the small box that held the man’s two ears (the punishment of a thief - the memory of his mother’s ears in a box just like that) and shook it a bit. “Good work, Junior. You might make a decent Butcher after all,” her grin was like acid and her eyes shone with malice as she turned towards the door. “Don’t be late tomorrow.”

Nathaniel was left in the room filled with blood and haunted with screams. He scrubbed his hands raw and didn’t look at the mess of what used to be a man on the chair as he left the room. The other basement doors were closed so Nathaniel made his way back to the garage. He could have taken a detour upstairs for a change of clothes, but he didn’t want to spend more time than absolutely necessary in the house.

He sat, numb and empty in the car and allowed himself the time it took to get back to the Nest to pull himself and his walls back together. He arrived all too soon and as he walked through the doors of the Nest, he slid his mask back into place and pulled his walls back up. By the time he got to the locker room, he was grinning, shark-like and hungry, daring anyone to cross his path. 

The Raven’s were changing out when he came in and they averted their eyes from the blood on his clothes as he walked by. 

He met Jean at their lockers and ignored the intense stare of the Frenchman. Nathaniel made sure to grin at Riko, who looked a little unnerved by all of the blood on Nathaniel’s clothes (of course he was always uneasy when Nathaniel came in wearing blood, but had no trouble making Nathaniel bleed himself).

Nathaniel changed out and made sure to throw his soiled clothes away, knowing he could get new ones if he really cared about them at all but knowing he wouldn’t. He made his way onto the court with Jean at his side as they started that night’s set of drills. Nathaniel did a good job reigning in his temper during the drills and exercises, but it went to hell during the scrimmages. 

It had been another night of ruthless playing and Nathaniel was done being pushed around on court and was beyond fed up with Riko’s attitude. He knew just as well as everyone in the room that Kevin was the better striker and yet Riko’s fragile ego insisted that everyone pretend otherwise. So he put a little bit more effort into his check than usual and sent Riko sprawling on the floor. Kevin scored and Riko looked downright murderous. 

Nathaniel belatedly knew he had fucked up but he couldn’t really bring himself to care; the satisfaction of seeing Riko shell-shocked on his ass was too great. He brought his fingers to his temple in a mock solute, “Better luck next time,” he grinned at Riko. It was the last thing he got to say before pain erupted through his body from Riko’s racquet slamming into his chest. 

Tetsuji blew his whistle and demanded that Nathaniel, Jean, Riko, and Kevin meet him. The rest of the Raven’s were ordered to keep playing. The perfect court followed the Master to his office with trepidation (Kevin and Jean), satisfaction (Riko), and a deep, uncaring apathy (Nathaniel).

Tetsuji ripped them a new one in rapid Japanese, berating Nathaniel (and Jean by association, they were partners after all) for the lousy playing. But he didn’t stop there. Much to all of their surprise, he tore into Riko for getting tripped by Nathaniel in the first place and making Kevin take the shot instead. Riko was fuming by the time it was over, not used to being the one yelled at.

In the end though, it was still Nathaniel who got the worst of it, and by no one’s fault but his own. “Kneel,” Tetsuji had told them all. The three others had fallen to their knees instantly, bowing their heads in respect and submission. Nathaniel, however, had never kneeled for Tetsuji and didn’t plan to start then. Tetsuji could do nothing worse than the Butcher and Nathaniel knew he didn’t hold the true power in the family anyways. Nathaniel had spent all day getting knocked around and he was determined to keep at least this little defiance and freedom. 

He refused to kneel and Tetsuji didn’t respond well to such disrespect and insubordination. “You will learn your place, Number Four, or I will teach it to you,” Tetsuji snapped. Nathaniel remained standing, staring Tetsuji in the eyes stubbornly and posture completely relaxed.

“No matter how hard you try, you are no Butcher, Coach Moriyama, and you will never make me kneel.” Nathaniel spoke in quiet Japanese. He expected the flash of rage on Tetsuji’s face. He expected the first hit from the cane and the many more that followed after. He expected them all and through the pain he laughed. He laughed and spit blood on the nice carpet and laughed some more until he could welcome the darkness that finally enveloped his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol so I'm sick today so I got this done a lot faster than I thought lmao nice. Don't expect all my updates to be this fast because I am very busy with school so I'll probably only have time to write during the weekends or when I'm procrastinating doing my homework (which will probably be more often than not lmao send help and motivation for school).  
> Anyways, thanks for reading! I'm glad that people like this mess so far!  
> Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated and keep me going! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Okay hi just a few things:  
> \- I'm back!! It's been a long ass time since I've posted anything (I do plan on finishing my Avatar AU if any of you have read that, I just completely lost interest in it for a while and have no motivation right now - but I promise it will be continued eventually!)  
> \- This idea has been floating in my Google Drive for over a year and I decided that instead of letting it rot there for all of eternity, I actually wanted to do something with it lmao  
> \- This first chapter can be counted kind of as the preview/prologue to this story,,, idk exactly where I'm taking it yet. I have the outline and everything, it's just a matter of how to put it all together lol rip  
> \- This chapter title is from R.I.P 2 My Youth by The Neighborhood (a fitting mood for our poor baby Neil)  
> \- I have no regular update schedule, sorry, but I can't promise anything because last time I tried that it failed horrendously and I do have lots of school and other commitments so I'll post as I finish writing each chapter (whenever that ends up being)  
> \- I hope you enjoy this fic! I'm super excited for it (I've had so many ideas for a Dark!Neil fic, you guys have no idea lmao)
> 
> I think that's it! Thank you for reading and feel free to leave comments and kudos if you want (they really motivate me to get shit done lmao) <3


End file.
